My soccer ⚽️ FAILS

I am just reminiscing about my soccer “career”.

  1. In my first ever indoor soccer game, I somehow missed an open net (3.5 meters wide and 2 meters tall) from less than one meter away. My shot went over the net by at least a meter. 🤷🏼‍♂️
  2. In that same game, I made an obvious dive and reached for the ball with my hands. The ball was rolling into my team’s net and goalie was out. My plan was to pretend that I  was tripped and fall infront of the ball. Ball was rolling a lot faster than I anticipated. Result: straight red card to me (I got kicked out of the game) and penalty shot for the other team. We lost that game 0-5. 
  3. I played defence in the outdoor soccer. This was happening in my own teams penalty area. I didn’t want for the ball to hit my hand, so I put them behind my back. That was a bad idea. Can you think of why? The other team player “stepped” into the ball. It hit me where it hurts the most. All I remember after is everything going white and lots of people asking if I was okay. 😱
  4. I tried playing goalie. My first attempt lasted about 2 minutes. I guess, my reflexes are not good enough to play there. Ball bounced of something or someone and hit me straight in the face. Blood went everywhere. The good thing is that my nose was ok after the game. My second try was in an actual game. Putting on first glove is super easy. Second … not so much. Ball hit my hand while I frantically was trying to put my second glove on. There was no blood, but my thumb was severely brused. It was blue 🔵 for almost a week. 
  5. I had a swallen ancle (twice the normal size) from a previous game after some idiot with a sliding takle hit me on a side of my foot (he got a red card for that). I couldn’t walk without crouches. In our league, if team doesn’t have minimum # of players, the get $$$ fine. With that injury, I had to “play”. I was seating at midfield. I got lucky. It started raining a bit. Referee felt sorry for me and cancelled the game.

I loved playing soccer, but hated playing games on artificial grass because of “turf burns”. It feels like a shreader. If you are playing on a fake grass … don’t fall!


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